If you ask, he didn’t struggle much to get to this position… He took advantage of every opportunity that came his way to rise up the ladder. He would find a share in the success of every project that had a positive outcome to prove his contribution. Even if he wasn’t among those who worked on the project from the beginning, he would step in when it was almost certain that the project would have a positive outcome. This way, even if he didn’t contribute to the success of the project, his name would be among those mentioned. When things didn’t go as planned and there were setbacks, even if he was involved in the project, he would somehow distance himself from the process and criticize people for not knowing the job. Despite being new to the business world, he had climbed the ladder very quickly in a short time. He had surpassed even those who had worked for years to get where they were. As recommended in many personal development books, he was outgoing. He always tried to maintain good relationships with his superiors. As recommended in personal development books, he had marketed himself very well in a short time… he should be in a good place… he should be in good hands. He considered himself worthy of the best places… He entered the meeting room trying to look confident. He stood in a place where he could see everyone and looked at those inside.
The forced smile on his face could be seen from the tension in his lips and the distant look in his eyes. His gaze at people was not to greet them and establish closeness, as was customary. On the contrary, with this gaze, he wanted to tell those present that he was not easily accessible.
“Good morning, everyone,” he said.
“Everyone, please finish your final preparations for the meeting. We will begin shortly,” he continued. If they had known that he had rehearsed this speech in the bathroom a few moments earlier, they would have understood why his words came out in such a mechanical tone. Each word was emphasized and intonated to convey a specific message. His voice was clear, clean, and sharp. He spoke in a commanding tone that did not allow anyone else to speak after him. He had not only said that the meeting was about to begin; he had also wanted to show those present who was in charge. Nevertheless, the commanding tone in his voice contradicted the way he held his bag, as if it did not belong to him. When he realized this, he felt anxious for a moment. Feeling the responsibility of having all eyes on him, he tried to take more confident steps. He moved to the head of the table. He placed his briefcase on the table and, trying to hide his excitement, unlocked it. In one compartment of the briefcase were a few documents and his agenda. The rest of the compartments were empty. He had spent half of last month’s salary on this briefcase. It was a brand-name bag used by very important businessmen… He wasn’t a very important businessman yet. But he had the desire to become one. For that reason, even though it strained his budget, he felt he deserved to buy the bag. A bag that he hadn’t yet filled, but one that gave hope with its exterior…
It was as if it were telling his own story…
Ersin had become one of the promising assistant managers of a high-level company, even though he wasn’t yet qualified…
That’s why his actions seemed inconsistent to outsiders. Because when people reach a position they don’t deserve, beyond their transformation, they struggle to hold onto it. Like everyone else who can’t understand the difference between believing they deserve it and actually deserving it, and ends up in a place they don’t deserve… He hadn’t yet fully embraced his role. His tendency to get easily excited and anxious was because of this. There was a difference between the role imposed on him from above and his own transformation. And hiding this wasn’t always easy. It was like trying to make a garment that was too big for you fit properly…
He lingered with his bag for a while longer, trying to buy time. He pretended to be looking for something important and couldn’t start because he couldn’t find it. In the meantime, he tried to gather his thoughts and figure out how to begin. Despite having rehearsed how to run the meeting countless times, this memorization didn’t alleviate his anxiety. Finally, with a sudden movement, he pulled his agenda out of his bag and slammed it on the table. He looked at the people in the room again. His eyes were there, but his gaze was fixed on how he would get out of this situation. He was afraid of doing something silly and losing the respect in people’s eyes. Yet he was unaware that he had not yet earned any respect. Therefore, he did not know that he could not lose something he had not yet earned. Just like everyone else who took respect for granted simply because they were who they were, apart from being human… Respect, however, was something that was given to someone because they deserved it. Every person expected to be respected and honored, but very few were willing to give something of themselves to deserve it.
What did not seem strange to people was to demand rights from others even when they did not deserve them. And what was considered normal was believing that everyone should show respect to “me.” Yet a person proves that they deserve respect through their actions. And people deserve respect in proportion to the benefit they provide. Expecting rights at work before having contributed anything is exhausting.
This expectation had exhausted Ersin… He was anxious and tense. There was a look of anxiety in his eyes, caused by his desire to be accepted and his uncertainty about what to do if he was not… People had to believe that he was an important person, even if he had not yet done anything important for them… He thought that how he started would determine how things would go.
He began to talk to the people around the meeting table one by one. He looked at each person’s face, making brief eye contact. Then he would look away from the person speaking and continue the conversation while looking in another direction. He had developed this attitude some time ago. It was an attitude that could make the other person feel worthless and insignificant…
With this attitude, he was trying to convey that he was the only one who was important and valuable. Trying to gain respect by ignoring the person he expected respect from was a mistake that people sometimes made. When people couldn’t get what they wanted, they could try to get it by being rude.
Ersin could have found a more effective and pleasant method. But his ego was so active that this solution didn’t occur to him. As long as he couldn’t give up his excessive desire to be accepted, the solution would remain hidden from him. Within his community, he would be seen as an arrogant person whom people wanted to stay away from. Those around him would be forced to work with him because of his position. He would not be someone whom people respected, but someone they tolerated and put up with. Until he faced his mistakes and corrected them…
The Experiential Design Doctrine states that;
Regardless of one’s identity, if a person wants to rise in their position, they must first earn it.
So, how does one earn the right to rise?
Not by appearing to be exalted…
By giving up the desire for rapid advancement…
By daring to reach a certain place through merit…
Not by taking shortcuts, but by paying the full price that the goal demands…
By taking a little less than what you deserve, even though you deserve it…
Why would a person want to take less than what they deserve?
Because when you take everything you deserve, you can no longer be a creditor; you have taken your due…
Being owed something is better than receiving what you deserve. It protects you, it elevates you faster.
And because you choose not to take what you could take, you also receive “blessings”…
So, what should a person do if they want to rise above others?
First, they must enter the world of those people…
So, what does it mean to enter their world?
It means earning the trust, love, and desire to follow you from the person in front of you.
So how does one earn it?
By letting go of the ego of existence… By stepping outside of my own desires and focusing on those people… Because people are pleased when their needs are considered.
Because people trust you when you beautifully fulfill one of their needs. And the consistency of your trustworthy behavior makes you a permanent part of their relationships.
Being gentle not only in normal times but also when they make mistakes is a secret to entering their world. Because people stay away from those who behave harshly, rudely, or arrogantly. They like managers who know what they are doing, who are clear but gentle in their behavior.
So, what makes you valuable in people’s world?
It’s not about telling them your value, but taking responsibility for their growth and happiness… The first strategy is to overcome selfishness, because selfishness creates its opposite. Those who excessively prioritize their own interests ultimately suffer harm. Because a relationship is not a game you play alone. A relationship is a story between you and others. In a game where I constantly think only of myself, others will not want to play with me. My ability to win depends on your ability to win.
May you rise to greatness among people…